The Theory of Stress Transfer

My friend is a Ph. D. engineer, so the way to her geeky heart is through math. She was worried that she was using her diagnosis as a self-serving thing, and mentioned others she knows who have long-term health problems (MS, scoliosis, etc.) and how they ask for nothing and are all offering to help her. So I came up with Ben's Theory of Stress Transfer, and here's how it went:
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Today I came up with Ben's Theory Of Stress Transfer. It is steeped in mathematics and science, and, well, my own made-up rules about the world. The Theory states that there is a finite amount of stress associated with any event in life, and that the more people you have pulling for you, the more of the stress they offload from you. So if stress is the constant S, and f(x)=S/x, then the limit as x-->infinity is 0. Since there is always at least one person handling the stress of a situation, x cannot go below 1. So the limit as x-->1+ is S. In other words, a person handling stress alone handles 100% of it.

So here's the deal. You are encountering a major life event. We all have them, some bigger than others. Undoubtedly, when your friend with MS was first diagnosed, it was a world-rocker for her and she drew on the support of those around her for as long as she needed to. The majority of the stress S was handled in the first months or years of her diagnosis. Perhaps her stress constant has a half-life too, and each year that passes there is less and less of the stress remaining, and she needs less and less support in that regard. That's why she doesn't seem to need as much now. Ben says that you have a large constant S, and it happens almost all at once. You get diagnosed, you deal, you go through surgery and chemo and radiation, and then you go back to life. There is no lingering effect. So you have to drive the x number as high as you possibly can to make the load shoulderable for you. Since S is a constant, and x is finite too, you still have to take some load. This is the minimum of the function. Ben wishes from his deepest soul that all the x's out there could take f(x) to zero, and leave you to just show up and drink wine and be happy while the doctors do their thing. This is outside the constraints of the function. But you have many many many x's out there, all trying to shoulder a piece of this load for you, so that your personal S/x will be as small as possible. Maybe tomorrow at 12:30, you can imagine all the happy x's with their little axes all chopping away at a big S on your behalf.
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(note: 12:30 was the scheduled time for her lumpectomy.)

As to me, just looking out on another grey and rainy Seattle day, wondering how things are going for her. My son is potty training right now, so that keeps things exciting (never knew how fast I could sprint to the bathroom!). Headed up to Forks for four days of steelheading this weekend, which should be a good escape from all the problems of the world. There's just a bit too much life right now, though it always beats the alternative...

The Tapestry...

Found out last week that a close personal friend has breast cancer. Don't want to burden her with my own fears and emotions--she has much more important things to worry about right now. Anyway, she has an awesome website and blog set up (tigerox.org) , and I thought doing a blog of my own would be a great way to air some stuff without needing to talk directly.

The idea behind the name is a thought I had as I was learning to unicycle (I can ride about 20 feet now without assistance): we start life on four wheels in a stroller, then we move to three wheels on a trycycle, then we get balance and move to two wheels on a bicycle. I decided that one wheel on a unicycle must certainly be the most evolved we ever get! We then go back to a two wheeled walker, then a three-wheeled electric cart at the grocery store, then four wheels on a wheelchair or a gurney.

So that must mean we're most evolved at the peak of our lives, right???

But as I watched my grandmother in her final three years (of 96), and I look at my kids now (3 and 1), I have to wonder whether they might know something that the rest of us are missing? Is activity really the pinnacle? Or is it just being in each moment of each day that really counts? When a diagnosis of cancer drops into your lap, do you really care what your high school GPA was, or whether you gained the approval of a social club? Does your income or house or car or anything material matter? Or is it really the love of your friends and family that are everything and carry you through? They say that kids are innocent and the elderly are wise, but I think maybe they're both wise.

They both know to take the time to enjoy "right now" and not be too serious about what might happen down the road. Maybe that's a good argument for unicycling being the peak of evolution--it is an absolutely asinine form of transportation, and there is no good reason to do it except that it's fun and you can't help but smile when you do it.

Anyway, off this goes to the bitstream. My email tagline has been the same for quite some time: "Faith will move mountains, but you'd better bring a shovel." I hope I can do a lot of shoveling for my dear friend over the next 8 or 9 months.

bmc