Does God Exist?
Going through breast cancer on the sidelines has been a life-changing experience for me. Above all, it has shaken my already weak belief in God to the core. For years I have been trying not to notice the gross inconsistencies in the whole thing, and seeing one of my best friends fighting this thing for no good reason is icing on the cake. I'm not sure I have the balls yet to say "God does not exist", but here are some notable observations on the subject.
When I worked at Pizza Hut (during college--fun job!), there was another driver who had served two tours in Vietnam in the infantry. His two brothers had also been there on the ground. All three had survived without a scratch, and my driver buddy swore up and down that it was because his mother had prayed for them all twice a day, attended mass every day, etc. I can't say for sure, but I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that of the 50,000+ Americans lost in Vietnam, there was at least one whose mom prayed three times a day, went to mass, and so on. In other words, what makes my driver friend think he was the chosen one? Why would God choose to spare him and his brothers, yet take another whose family was even more devout?
When my wife was a little girl, there was a news story about a school bus accident. One child was killed, and many others were seriously injured. When she asked her mom why it had happened, the reply was something like, "God decided it was his time to go." My wife remembers thinking how strange it was that God would hurt all those other kids just so he could take one.
A college friend of mine recently had her third child, who came from an unplanned pregnancy. Her Christmas letter was nauseating--she must have used the word "blessed" at least 20 times, and even used it twice in one sentence. "Just when you think you can't handle any more in your life, God blesses you with another blessing." I wonder what on earth makes her think that she's God's pet project??? Meanwhile, other human beings (other CREATED beings, in her world), are starving on the street, being raped and murdered, and so on. There is no way to intellectually reconcile this.
My dad had a good friend who recently died from lung cancer. He was an older gentleman, maybe early 70's, and had touched a lot of people in his life with his wisdom and insight. My dad said that "God was through with him. He had passed the torch to me and others like me." So if my good friend (age 33, by the way, with a 1-year-old and a 3-year-old) doesn't beat breast cancer, am I to presume that God was through with her too? Again, I have always believed in a loving God, not a punishing one, and therefore can't reconcile how anyone could think that it would be better for these little boys and their daddy to be without their mommy for the rest of their lives. If God has decided this, why doesn't he decide that a crack whore who is prostituting her child for drugs needs to die, and that the child would find an adoptive home that would love and nourish her?
Do you think that the Greeks (mythology), Aztecs, Muslims, Buddhists, Native Americans, or any other religion believe any less fervently in their ideologies than Christians do? Or that they have any less evidence for their stories being true? With 70% of the world being non-Christian, am I to believe that Christians are the chosen ones, and they just haven't spread the word everywhere yet? Or that they are just the latest group to try to explain things we have no good explanation for?
Good friends who live close to us were listening to me talk about my friend the other day, and one of them said, "Don't worry, there's more. Just keep looking, you'll find it." Therein lies the total arrogance of my really religious friends--they assume that everyone is seeking something, and that unless they have found the same beliefs, they must be poor lost souls. I wanted to tell her that I was doing just fine, thank you, and that her inconsistent and illogical beliefs were just that.
This brings me to the crux of the issue--you can't have it both ways. I have heard the phrase that "God is either everything, or he is nothing" and I have to agree. Either God is all-powerful or he isn't. Our feeble human excuses and explanations are hollow and empty. If God Is, then little kids die on school buses because God decided they would die. If some soldiers die in Vietnam, it is because God said it would be so. To say that "God has a plan" is crazy--that says that God intentionally created lots of imperfect beings, namely humans, who are capable of murdering millions in war, thousands more in "conflicts", innocents in acts of terrorism, and so on. It also says that God is witnessing all this suffering, and allowing it to continue. Otherwise, if God is truly all-powerful, he could snap his fingers and say, "No more war." snap
So what about a God that's not all-powerful? Would he even be called God? Would any religion embrace such an entity? Could the very idea of God, that is, something before which we humble ourselves, be God? In other words, could it be possible that God is not a scentient being, doesn't look like us and wear long white robes, and is simply a concept that we embrace in order to live more disciplined and meaningful lives? Could it be that God only exists in our minds and books in order to comfort us and to help us make sense of things like my friend's current situation, and to give us (false) hope that when we die, we don't really die? Would such a notion of God be any less powerful in our daily lives than the notion of a puppeteer who holds every string?
I opened by saying that this cancer experience has shaken my belief system to the core. Perhaps the most disturbing thing about that is how peaceful I've felt since I've started considering the idea that there is no God. It has been liberating, and I can't understand why. Maybe because I've shed all the guilt that is associated with God (and I'm not even Catholic!), and have realized that, as is stated in Desiderata, "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here." Every doctrine I've ever been around has requirements and conditions on it, and this may be the first time that I realize that the wonder of my own life may be all the doctrine I need.
Does God exist? I leave it to you.
posted by bmacpiper at 9:23 PM
4 Comments:
Hi there. First let me say thanks for the encouraging and kind words you left on my web site. I appreciate it. Once you have been through a cancer experience, it is hard not to support others. It just comes naturally. It seems our own survival is linked to everyone else in almost a "if she makes, I will too" state of mind. But more than just that, Carolyn seems like a great person and I am glad I have met her, even if it was through a cancer connection. :)
On to your post.... well, as someone who has experienced cancer and experiences it still everyday, I understand your questioning God's existence. Although I can't say I ever doubted it, I did question what was happening in my life. But as easy as it is to look at the negative and ask "why?", it is equally as easy to look at the positve say "why not."
When I was sick, one of my very best friends was commenting about someone we both knew professionally who had been struck with a delibitating illness and was in a lot of pain. Now, this ill person wasn't known as a kind-hearted soul and my friend said to me, "You reap what you sow." To which I asked as I stood there bald and weak from chemo, "What the hell did I sow?" People, in an attempt to understand the complexities of life, process things and state them very weirdly. To them it makes perfect sense, but to others, it seems ridiculous. I don't believe I "sowed" anything that would "reap" cancer. I think it happened for environmental and genetic reasons.
On the flip side, I can't imagine thinking of a child being born and not recognizing the power of God. I can't imagine seeing the power of the ocean and not be amazed at the wonders of this world. I can't think of two of my relatives who have been married for 56 years and are the most amazingly loving and kind couple to each other and to those around them wihtout being blessed by their love. They perfectly fit and complete each other. They are a witness of love.
When it comes down to it, after being raised Catholic and attending Catholic school all my life, studying theology, and even teaching for awhile, simply, the best way for me to explain or validate God's existence is the one line from Gospel of John, "God is love." God exists in the presence of love. Whether that love is Muslim, Jehovah, or Buddah, is immaterial.
I didn't mean to hijack your blog. My rambling just means you sparked a thought and that's the best kind of blogging out there.
Hi!
you commented on my blog so i'm checking you out. Great first post to read by the way.
I was raised by one religious fanatic and one complete agnostic (my parents. Probably unsuited for each other in even more ways than that...!). At a really early age I decided that I didn't believe in god, for a variety of reasons.
I became a buddhist in my 20s, and, since buddhism is nontheistic, you don't rely on god (or gods) but you don't have a problem with other people believing in them. (It's funny, I actually find it easier to believe in gods than ONE god).
Cancer didn't change how i feel (or don't feel) about whether there is a god. The one thing that cancer did change, was that it made me think about whether there is an "afterlife" or not. Most religions, buddhism included, have elaborate theories (legends/stories/whatever) about an afterlife, however, what if there ISN'T one? what if this is all we get? To me, that was an even scarier question than the god question. I mean, we all sort of go along thinking that the end of life is the beginning of something else (whether for bad or good). But what if there's just nothing? Then, this is all we get...and it sorta changes how you see yourself and your life. Things become much more precious.
anyway, that's a topic worth a million more words, or maybe none.
By the way, if you're a bagpiper, you should check out my friend Fred's blog at
he's a piper from way back...
best to you and your friend...
Lor(abigail)
sorry, that link was
http://www.phlonx.com/blog/fred/
abigail
Hi Ben,
Thanks for your comments on my blog. I happened to forget to moderate comments on my blog for a while and saw yours only today.
The 'Desidarata' page link you had sent did really strike a chord with me. Especially the lines
'And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.'
These lines are probably very much related to this post on God's existence.
You have really given vent to the feelings of ‘God's existence’ that I am sure many of us keep pondering about. And you were absolutely right. I do not have the guts either to say 'God does not exist' as yet. But I think this courage is lacking in many of us because we do not have an explanation for the many mystical things that happen around us.
I am reading this book called 'The Saint, the Surfer and the CEO' by Robin Sharma in which there was a very thought provoking paragraph. It went like this :-
"Our world is a very wise place, and our lives unfold according to a series of natural laws that are nothing less than brilliant. We human beings think that our lives are governed by random events and that the people who enter and exit do so purely by chance. Nothing could be further from the truth. There's no chaos in the world, only order. There are no coincidences - ever. Our lives aren’t run by good or bad luck, but by an intelligent process designed to help us evolve into our best selves.’
I was so struck by this thought because it looks like it is the most sensible way of accepting all that happens around us each day. Of course, this doesn’t clear the dilemma about whether God exists or not. I would however prefer to believe that there is a bigger power above (I am not sure if this is a person or thing) that governs all of life and that it arranges all that happens, to be the way it is. Whether this a good or bad power is still debatable I guess. But I think all answers to all happenings are within us. This again is a belief that has become stronger by the following story I read in the book I just mentioned above. This story is sort of a fable from the East. It is about how once upon a time all human beings on Earth were considered God. Then humankind abused its powers and the Supreme Lord decided to take it all away. He then wanted to hide the godhead – the source of all human talent, potential and glory. After hearing a lot of suggestions (which included the mountains, oceans, ground, etc.) of his advisors about where to the hide the god head, the master hit upon the solution. He decided to place this extraordinary power, magnificence and glory inside the heart of every man, woman and child on the planet because he claimed that this place is were human beings will never think of looking for the treasure. Now, that sounds so true doesn’t it?
Cheers
Savitha
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